Jake Burton

Closing Up

2009-09-22T15:03:00.003-05:00

I have been home from Jamaica over a month now and its been over 2 months since I have written a blog. For all those who have been wondering how my experience/mission ended up in Jamaica, this blog post hopefully will wrap things up.

The first month of Jamaica was hard for me as my previous posts have indicated. I felt as though I had little purpose. I wanted to change the world, but the circumstances just didn't fit my grand vision of the summer "doing the Lord's work." The summer progressed and July came, it first brought a little pick me up in form of my best friend Nate Cost. After his week long visit, my Dad and sister Lindsay came for a short weekend visit. A week later, the Tusculum Church of Christ group from Nashville came and helped put on a week long VBS for both the Morant Bay church and the newly opened Soho church. The week with Tusculum was great and it was hard to see them leave at the end of the week.

After the Tusculum group left, I have a little under 2 weeks to finish up my stay in Jamaica. In this time I had the opportunity to preach in Soho as well. As my time ended, to put it honestly, I was ready to come home. I think deep inside I was ready to come home at the end of my 2nd week, but I believe God wanted me to stay even if I wasn't being "productive" in the sense of spreading the gospel.

But through the experience I have to come to understand myself and know God more. I have grown in maturity through having the circumstances in life go in ways I didn't desire them to. I guess God knows that its not always the best for me to always get my way in things.

Anyway, since being back home, God has done amazing things around me here at Lipscomb. God is stirring hearts to change and live passionate for him. It has been awesome to see, because the summer seemed like something to endure in faith, and coming back I have seen the fruit of my labor.

Nate's visit

2009-07-11T19:25:00.011-05:00

Im going to apologize in advance for the formatting on this blog. Some of the features where messing up and causing things to turn out weird.

Nate Cost came to visit me in Jamaica for a week from June 29th to July 7th. I stayed pretty busy with him for the week so I apologize for the lack of blogs lately, but I promise to have some more coming in the coming days.

If you don't know Nate, he is a high school and college schoolmate, former roommate, and my closest spiritual friend over the past few years. Within a weeks time with him here, we got to experience pretty much all Jamaica had to offer except the marijuana of course, ha.

I picked Nate up from the airport on Monday and Tuesday we set out to my our way to the base of the Blue Mountain Peak, the highest point in Jamaica. Home of world famous Blue Mountain Coffee, the peak reaches up 7000ft which is pretty dramatic when seen by its oceans.

The night before we set out we stayed at the Whitfield Hall, which was an old coffee plantation home dated back from 1776! There was no electricity and we used gas lamps to get around at night. Talk about a rustic experience, I felt like I was an early pioneer or explorer.

That night we set off for our 3 hour hike to the top at 2Am to catch the sunrise while on the peak. While climbing we witness magnificent stars, Jamaica lightning bugs(blinkies), and a narrow dark trail guided by a few flashlights.

As we hiked up, we started in pretty warm weather, but as we approach the top we enter some strong winds and much cooler temperatures which seemed to be somewhere in the mid 40's. Marland a local Jamaican went with us and he said it was the coldest he has ever been in his life. You should have witnessed how miserable he was. We got to the top just before sunrise and watched the sun come up for a few moments and then rushed back down the mountain to reach warmer air and a hot breakfast at the bottom at Whitfield. The experience was awesome but we were warn out from 6 hours of hiking.

We spent the next few days in Soho getting into conversations with the locals and inviting people to church for its opening July 19th.

For the weekend we headed out to Port Antonio and it beautiful beaches and ocean scenery. And after a day and half on the water we went to church in Morant Bay. Monday we started the final coat of paint on the new church building and Tuesday Nate flew back.

I could have gone into more detail about each day but I'll put some pictures below to show you some things.

Whitfield Hall

Ride up to Whitfield

Nate and his trusting disposable camera

sunrise at the summit

Marland huddles behind a rock to escape the wind

Nate and I atop a structure to mark the highest point

Nate and Sister Walker, my black mother

Marcus the Lifeguard and new friend

Nate and his catch, Breadfruit

Plucking the breadfuit

Picture from the peak

Top of the Peak

Ride down the Mountain

Quick

2009-06-28T17:12:00.004-05:00

view of Blue Mountain from another moutain I climbed one morning near where I live

!?!?!?

2009-06-19T17:14:00.010-05:00

I have the hardest time starting a writing project, as I do now. Maybe it is because I don’t really think too much about what I am going to write before hand, and I just sit and share what’s been going on. This leads me to two possibilities for my current place living in Jamaica. The first is that I just “word vomit” the emotions and feelings that are swimming inside of me. Often these thoughts come out as honest but often beyond understanding for the normal reader. I suppose these are the thoughts I would share to a counselor if I had one, but I am not really sure to look for one in Jamaica, ha. The second course that I can take is just a factual review of the days I have been through here. This would conclude more like a journal of my activities saying, “Monday, I did this and I saw that.”

The problem in this is that often neither of these options really tell you what is really going on. I would love to fluff things up, and tell you of the amazing experiences I have had with God revealing himself to my heart and opening doors for ministry here in Jamaica. I would love to tell you that God is changing me and making me more patient, loving, compassionate, and bold. But often I find here that I have become more aware of my weaknesses than my strengths.

In America, things are fast paced and the clock rules, but here in Jamaica things slow down to a crawl. For instance, this past week I have been working some manual labor at two different sites. The project was laying a foundation for a small, one room house for a man whose previous home is caving in on itself. This man, Oppie, has a few loose bolts and honestly seems not to know how to take care of himself. Anyway, the project could have taken maybe two days, but it rained half the time we were at the site. So we would work for an hour and sit under a porch for the next. These rain sessions made time for some good resting time, but in many ways it just drove me crazy that the project was taking so long. After that project lasted about 4 days, we went to work on the church and started getting it ready for it opening Sunday on July 19^th. Here Mr. Thompson (almost 70 years old) and I put in some windows and sinks in the bathroom at a snails pace. We probably did what would take a normal crew 4 hours over the stretch it over 3 days. The fact that my primary responsibilities included handing tools to Mr. Thompson as he did the work only added to my battle with patience.

I guess my frustration is rooted in my belief that God wanted me down here to help prepare the community of people or the future “church” of people to join in a new congregation. But what I found thus far is that I am preparing the actually church building for the people. I guess this just goes against the glorified picture I had of myself and this summer. Its not bad things to be building the church, but it is just different.

Even though I might sound like I am complaining about becoming a laborer in Jamaica for a few weeks, I do enjoy the experience, it is just different from what I had in mind. In many ways I thought I would just stroll into town and hearts would be open to the gospel and I would see thee miracles of God just like the disciples as they went out when they were sent by Jesus. But revealing my weaknesses, I have found even where there are times to be bold about my faith in everyday conversation with those I am around, I cower in the awkwardness that it could bring. So in many ways I wish I could have more time to focus on “ministry” but even the time God gives me, my lack of faith kicks in and I often just talk about normal things. So really I have nothing to complain about.

Often the fact that I cannot always bring myself to go up to a person and talk to them about God makes me wonder if I truly love these people in Jamaica. I mean, if I truly love these people, wouldn’t I do anything for them to know the gospel. I guess God has been revealing to me that I must first love these people before I can really show the gospel of Christ to them. Thus restated, you can’t truly minister to people you don’t love. Maybe you could call it the Jonah Complex or something like that. Jonah was called to the people of Nineveh but really he did not like them at all. In fact, he truly hated them and wanted to witness God’s destruction of the city from the hillside. I wouldn’t say I am that bad, but often I feel close. Many people I talk to just want me to find them an American girlfriend, which at first was funny but it gets old when you have heard it from 20 different men. I had many people offer me marijuana and alcohol just to humor themselves. Morally this is not the best place I have seen, and sometimes I do just feel like Jonah and would rather not be among it. But then I am reminded that the gospel is about changing people!

The only moment of true compassion I felt like I have had here was when we work working on the foundation of the house. A man was helping us gather sand in buckets to bring them up the hill to mix into the cement. It became apparent that this man was spiritually and emotionally oppressed when the people around the road were making fun of him and hurling insults on him. The man then became built up in a rage, almost like a 3 year old’s temper tanderum, and started cursing everyone around him at the top of his lungs. Those on the road just continued toying with the man who obviously had no control over himself. This built a holy rage inside me that wanted to call curses of my own on the people on the street. Here was a man who was oppressed spiritually and emotionally, yet he was helping us in our work on the foundation. While he helped 10 or so towns people, the majority who were smoking marijuana, just sat around not helping and hurling insults at him. I just wanting this man to be set free from Satan and for those who spurred it on to be judged. Harsh, but honestly it was what I felt inside. It reminded my of Jesus’ confrontation with Legion at the tombs and the life of torment and rejection this man felt from the nearby town. Jesus had compassion on the man and set him free yet the town told Jesus to leave because they were fearful of his power.

So in the midst of all this going on, I am still searching for God and his direction in it all. Again I am being made more aware of my weaknesses than my strengths. I know this can be seen as good and I am trying to hold onto Paul’s words in 2 Corinthians 12:10:

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

I can’t say that I have come to this realization yet, but I hope to. I ask for your prayers that God’s will would be done both in me and in Soho.

In other news I had a pleasant day off on Saturday at the local river at a place called Reggae Falls. Here are the beautiful pictures.

Visual Update

2009-06-10T16:42:00.007-05:00

To go along with my written blog and wanted to give yall a picture update on where I live. It has been a joy and blessing to be taken care of by Sister Walker. Her authentic Jamaica dishes are delicious and her homemade juices are mind blowing. She calls herself my "black mother" and promising not to send me back skinny. So Mom, you shouldn't worry too much.

These following pictures are Sister Walker's house, where I stay.

This is the famous Sister Walker herself on the right with her neighbor on the left.

Here is the nearly completed church. Only electricity, water, and inside painting to go!

The finished "Throne Room" from spring break

A colorful tin fence in Soho

Adjusting to Life and Ministry in Soho

2009-06-10T16:39:00.005-05:00

It’s rainy today, so right now I am sitting at the table in Sister Walker’s house listening to the water falling on the tin roof above. It is a very peaceful sound to be under. Beyond that, I have been up in the hills of Soho now for my 6th day. I am trying to adjust to life up in the “bush” as the Jamaican call it. Where I am living could be comparable to what Southerners think of rednecks as they live in East Tennessee or Northeast Georgia. So this bush of a place called Soho is my home for the next 2 months. You could say that Monday was my official first day of ministry. I walked the country gravel roads greeting people as I walked by them and telling them that I was here in Soho working with the new church that will have its opening on Sunday July 19th.

It was rather strange just walking and looking for God to open up doors. In many ways I felt like the disciples after Jesus sent them out in twos. They simply walked into the town proclaiming the kingdom of God. Though, here I am by myself, in an unfamiliar land with a strange people. So over the past few days I have simply just been meeting people, because honestly I have no idea where else to start. I have no great vision on how to reach these people. I do have the desire to be Jesus to these people, but even that seems somewhat obscure. I desire to know what being Jesus in this context looks like. I cannot build these people houses, handout food, or put on a new roof over their heads. All I have to give these people is the gospel of Christ, the salvation of knowing God through Jesus.

I believe, or at least want to believe, that the gospel is the greatest gift I can reveal to someone. But I guess somewhere in my corrupted self, I might believe that the gospel is not enough. I was speaking with some young men in the community on Monday. I introduced myself and told them that I believed that God brought me down here for a reason. I went into my faith a little bit and then the soon stated that they believe in God and considered themselves Christians. They soon asked me questions regarding my sexual history, and I told them upfront I had never slept with a girl. The young men got a good kicked out of my purity and thought it to be unthinkable to live in such a way. Through this experience I began to understand that most people in Jamaica profess Christ but refuse to be fully devoted to him in their lives. Jamaica is a place where you do what feels good or gives you the best high, regardless if it is immoral and irresponsible. But what do I have to offer these people that is better than feeling good? A free ticket to heaven? But what about right now? I want them to know that a life with God now is more pleasurable than the world, but before I can do that honestly, I have to believe it myself.

Through this, I believe God is leading me through challenges to bring me to a place where my joy is only found in Him. For to proclaim the gospel of Christ, I need to be continually transformed by the gospel myself. In many ways, I am again searching for my own faith down here. I am searching for the voice of God in my life. I have been obedient to God by coming down here, and I desire so much to find my joy in His presence of God. But for some time now, I feel as though I have been going through the desert of the soul, the desert where the water of God is so hard to find.

I came down to Jamaica not knowing what God had in store, but I thought, maybe naively, that God’s will and plan of action would be handed to me because of my obedience on coming down here. But for a week now I have been searching for God’s will and walking the streets looking for His face, while not knowing why He has brought me down here. I am trying to remain in belief that God has me down here for His purpose and regardless how lost I feel, and that he has everything under control. But often it is so hard to keep hold of faith that seems to be rapidly evaporating from my cup while I walk through the desert.

I ask for your prayers for God’s will to be done, regardless if it is revealed to me. I ask for your prayers that I would continue to find faith in being down here and find my way in the small community of Soho. I ask for your prayer for God's creatively and heart to be revealed to me for these people regarding how to live out the gospel before them. I ask for yours prayers that God would lead me through the desert and that the gospel would be even more real in my life so that I would shine it to others in Jamaica. I am blessed to have you reading this.

God is good and he has us all in his hands.

Greeting Video

2009-06-05T14:58:00.003-05:00

Hello to all and I hope you enjoy this simple video greeting!

and a 360 degree view of Morant Bay...

Getting Used to the Heat

2009-06-05T11:04:00.023-05:00

I have arrived to the island country of Jamaica and for the past few days have been adjusting to life down here. I was picked up at the Kingston airport by Michael Dehaney, the preacher of Morant Bay Church of Christ and for the last 4 days have been staying with him and his wife Leila in Morant Bay. They have been generous hosts and have helped me become acclimated to living in Jamaica. Brother Michael, one could say, is my supervisor down here. I will be interning under him while I minister in the community of Soho. Soho is a place that Michael has had a long time desire to establish a church, and along with some support from Nashville area churches, he has seen the physical side of it just about come into reality. The church is nearly completed and all that needs to be done is a finishing coat of paint, some electric work, and for the water to be turned on.

Tonight, I will be heading into the island and up the hills to stay with Sister Walker, a member of the Morant Bay church but who lives in Soho. She is a sweet, passionate, loving 70ish year old woman who is famous for her hugs, homemade meals, and freshly squeezed juices! So hopefully I won't whittle down to nothing with such a woman looking after me! I am looking forward to the move up to Soho and I am ready to see what the Lord has in store.

Though I am looking forward to moving to Soho, much needs to be reflected on the past few days. This week has served as a "getting to know you" time for Michael and I. Church culture down here is very different from that of the states. Their is a strong spirit of legalism, condemnation, and finger pointing. To put it simply, much of the church looks the same as the church from the 1940's in the US. Though I knew this coming down, nothing beats coming up close and personal with it.

This week Michael and I have had many talks on our philosophies of ministry. In my view, most evangelism down here is aided by the use of tracts that have more to do with defending certain issues of doctrine rather than spreading to forgiveness of God through Christ. As Michael and I talked through these things, it became aware that I was a different breed.

Michael is a great man but we stand in two different places of belief, but regardless it is apparent to both of us that God has brought me down here for this time. Though we might have different views on why God has brought me down here, both Michael and I concluded that God's will will be done.

A conclusion came in our discussions when Michael suggested that I act more as a Barnabas(encourager) rather than a Paul(teacher of doctrine/theologian). This arose when I made it clear that I was uncomfortable using tracts that focus on defending our denomination against others. I told him I was not interested in defending negatively, but rather uses positive ideas through conversation and Scripture to reveal Christ this summer.

Though I don't exactly line up with everything that Michael believes, I told him that I would respect his leadership and not do anything to undermine his work in Soho as far as it was faithful to God. I told him I would be happy to just be an encourager and focus on "basic" level Gospel and to not dive too deep into doctrine. I told him that I would leave that up to him if the situation presented itself.

Through this test, God has given me the very ministry I want to be a part of.

Beyond that, my heart has returned to God down here in so many ways. Through these challenges I have been constantly in prayer asking for God's leading. I have had so much time to just read scripture and be away from the busyness of life that God is becoming clearer to me. And this fact has brought me more hope than anything else.

I know more things lay ahead for me both joyful and challenging, but I remain constant that I am here for this time to do the will of the One who sent me.

Brother Michael's House (where I spent my first 5 days)

Out his driveway down the hill

Fishing Boats on Morant Bay's Beach

View of the Ocean from a hill

Burned old courthourse and statue of national hero Paul Bogle

Creepy face in the wall of the burned courthouse

Behind the couthouse are old cannons once used by the British

It's a safe that seems to be melted shut

Jamaica... The Unknown is Ahead

2009-05-31T17:19:00.004-05:00

Its 5:48AM June 1st. In about an hour I am heading to the Atlanta airport to catch a plane to Jamaica. Many of you may know the story of why I am heading to the island and many of you probably do not. For those who don't, I will bring you up to speed...

This past spring semester, I planned to go on a spring break mission trip to Panama City Beach and reach out to the college scene with a team from Lipscomb. The trip required much prep work and investment, and a week into the process, I realized that I had overcommitted myself. I was involved with too many activities, ministries, and school responsibilities that something had to be let go. I didn't want to drop the trip, but inside myself I knew it was the only option to avoid burnout.

After I dropped the trip, I went on with my semester and tried to keep my head above water. Spring break eventually rolled around, and I found myself with no plans. I tried to find cheap, last-minute plane tickets to adventurous places around the world, but my search always came up too expensive. But a week before spring break, I was talking to the missions director at Lipscomb and he told me of an opportunity that had opened up on one particular mission trip to Jamaica. A member of the Jamaica team had to drop out of the team suddenly and a spot was open to jump on. In short, I just need to come up with $300 to go on a $1000 trip. Needless to say, I joined the team.

A week later, I was headed off the the land of tropical bobsledding, ganga, and Bob Marley. The trip consisted of working with the Morant Bay Church of Christ during their service times and completing construction during the day at a neighboring church plant in a town named Soho. Ever since I took, a semester off to spend 6 months on Australia and South Africa doing mission work, 1 week trips have always given me trouble. Knowing I am in a place for only one week makes it hard for me to invest my whole heart. But the trip proved to be a great experience, and though short, the chill island culture proved to be an uplifting experience for my busy school semester.

The trip ended and I soon came back and jumped back to finish my semester of school. I thought my time in Jamaica was over, but God had something else in mind. A little over I week after getting back, I checked my email and found that I had received a message from a local youth minister in Nashville. The message explained that the church had been working in missions at some locations in Jamaica and recently had a situation come up that needed attention. One of the church plants that they had been working with in Jamaica had just finished construction on a building, but the preacher who was to come in dropped out last minute because of some final support issues. So in brief, the church found out that I was a ministry major at Lipscomb planning on pursuing missions and wanted to know if I was interested in heading down to this church plant.

What the youth minister didn't know is that I was in Jamaica the previous week and that my team was the one who put the finishing touches on that vary church in Soho. I quickly responded back in shock and told him that I knew the location and the church was without a leader and confirmed that I was interested in going down there for the summer.

So over the following 6 weeks, Rob Touchstone the youth minister from the church in Nashville, Tusculum Church of Christ, organized my summer down in Soho Jamaica. I am usually not one for doing mission work without a team and flying solo, but the way everything worked out, it became very obvious to me that God was leading me back to Jamaica. Honestly, I don't have the slightest clue what God is up to. I am going to to Soho to lead this church in what ever form or fashion that I feel lead, but in many ways it is bigger to me than a simple job description.

This past year has been great in many ways, but in others it has been very challenging for me. It has been a time where I have seen God work things out and work around me in really great ways, but at the same time, while seeing His work, I feel the most distance to God in my heart. It is not because of sin or any tragedy, but I feel that it is a deep hunger that has gone unfed for too long. In many ways this summer, is a time for me to regain the presence of God that for so long I has been distracted from.

I am pretty apprehensive of what will happen in the next 2 months, but I am confident that God has brought me here. Standing alone I am not qualified to do this, but since God has brought me here, I trust that he will prove himself faith again and again. I pray this blog finds you well, and that maybe in some small way you will find God with me through the experiences and thoughts I will shared on this blog over the summer.

If you will, I ask for your prayers for the unknown work in Soho and my heart. God has big things in store and prayer will help us get there.

I will be keeping up with this blog once a week, so please keep reading and letting me know what you think. I am sorry that many details are left out, but hopefully this blog is somewhat understandable.

Until next time...

Peace, love, and mercy through Christ our Hope,

Jake

p.s. Here are some departing pictures of my bags and passport...

Yes, life is fast...

2009-04-01T16:33:00.002-05:00

Alright, I will be honest. Life is fast even if I would like to think otherwise. The last few weeks have been a rush of a new relationship, a last minute mission trip to Jamaica, a few papers, and job responsibilities. All this to say I have been busy and have irresponsibly overlooked my blogs.

So to recover from such a moral failure, I will be writing a series of reflections on the past 2 or 3 weeks that shed some light on where I have been. I hope that all who intently read this blog will be able to forgive me for my lack of commitment of investing in you, my faithful readers. I hope that this experience will improve and that lessons will be learned and maturity will be reach. But in the end we can never know for sure and thats why we must just hope.

So other than that look for more posts coming your way!

jake RICHMOND burton

I cannot tell a lie...

2009-02-03T15:22:00.002-05:00

I consider myself an honest person, but in some ways I feel I have no control over my honesty. It just remains there even if I would rather it leave. For example, take a game of Mafia. I hate being the Mafia because it is so obvious when I am. If someone asks me directly during the game. "Are you the Mafia?" My face will cringed and I am given away. I love trying to figure out the truth, as the case of being a towns person or police officer(Carl Winslow). But if you give me the job of concealing the truth, I will fail you 9 times out of 10. Poker also gives me troubles. My emotions give me away. Thus pretending to be in a mood or good spirit that am I not, it is pretty obvious to those close to me that something is up or wrong. I began to ponder whether this is a good or bad thing. I know its bad in the regard to game nights, because I won't win. But in life does uncontrolled honesty get you anywhere? And should I feel good about my honesty or my character is I really don't think I have a choice int he process of honesty? Ahh, the questions of life. Goodbye till another day.

2009-01-26T00:45:00.003-05:00

I was reading my assigned work for this week, and I came across a chapter in Working the Angles authored by Eugene Peterson. In this particular chapter, the Sabbath was discussed. Much focus was put on the idea of rest in terms of a minister and his work. The main point is that most minister forget what a sabbath is and rarely take one. Many people think the sabbath seems more of a burden than a blessing. No work, no progress, no driving, no ball games, no technology. Thats the idea that occurs to me when I hear sabbath, but it wasn't until the last year that I found blessing in the sabbath. I even came to the point where I craved rest. But it the middle of busyness and workload, it is the biggest temptation to push through and not rest. But if we can see the sabbath as a time to sit back and realize that we can't finish everything, and trust that God will work through our weaknesses and our rest, I believe we could be extremely blessed.

So in short, have faith, take a turn off the cell phone and tv and sit on your couch and just rest and breath and maybe take a nap every once and awhile.

More Than Just Words.

2009-01-20T11:25:00.003-05:00

It's been some time since I've written here. To be honest it was slightly forced upon me by the world of academics. For one of my ministry classes here at Lipscomb, we are assigned to keep up with a blog around three times a week. My first entry is due today, so here it is. I'm not sure what this will be. Whether it will look like a public journal or a place to find the inner workings of my being, we will have to find out as the semester unfolds.

But looking back, it is funny that it has been over a year and a half since my final post in Australia. Its been a wild ride since then, where God has been more and more evident in my life. Maybe this blog is what I need, a place to reflect, to share, to remember. I hope this doesn't across and too academic. I hope it to be creative, to be progressing, to be more than just words.

But for now it is time to eat lunch, you will hear/read from me shortly I suppose. Goodbye...

The Greatest Commandment

2007-06-25T15:17:00.000-05:00

It’s June 26th, and I am sitting in Dubai International Airport waiting for my next flight. Since the last time I have written, I finished my mission work in South Africa and traveled back to Perth, Australia for a report-back/debriefing week. Looking back on 6 months, there are so many memories, lessons, relationships I have gained. I have experienced danger, adventure, and growth and what more could a boy my age want in 6 months. Over these past six months I have been seeking many things from God, and it seems going through the 6 months, the list of thing I want to see change in just keeps getting bigger. Lately my requests of God have been seeking over the last couple of months is transformation of myself into the person God created me to be: a Transformation into the image of Christ. As my near fatal experience in the ocean allowed me to see was that being selfish doesn’t reflect that image. As I have come to realize, I have found that letting your tongue loose, doesn’t reflect the image of Christ. I have learned to look into my heart before I say anything to check my motives for voicing out my words. If those motives are to bring others down or lift myself up, they do not reflect the glory of Christ. I am continually learning what it means to decrease myself to so that He can increase. I have struggled to find out what pursuing a relationship with God looks like. But beyond all these things I have learned and tried to put into my life, something unexpected came in.

About 3 weeks ago, our team was helping with a church-planting ministry in a very rural area with mud huts, so basically its what you imagine the real Africa to look like. Every night in this town our team helped put on the revival in a city hall. We would give some testimonies of our faith, and would help pray for people would responded to the message. It was an awesome week of ministry where we saw God work in many ways. The whole week of that ministry we camped in a game reserve, which was awesome especially when we woke up to rhino and giraffe walking around a couple of feet from our tent. The game reserve was a glorious place to experience God for a week; through the beauty of His creation and through the people we ministered throughout the week. But in all the beauty and the entire ministry, the thing I pulled out of the week, changed my life forever. But before I tell you what happened, I need to give you some background.

Growing up in a Christian home, the truths about God and instilled into you from the time you were born. From the moment you hit Sunday school you learn about God’s love, faithfulness, power, grace, justice, and many other things. Soon you know all these truths and they become common and not so glorious anymore. These truths don’t capture your wondering and amazement like they should. Sure we all like these things about God, because it gives us hope and comfort. But do these truths that are the core of our faith consume us and capture our every thought and action. This was all true in my life. I had all this head knowledge of who God was and these things of his character, but for some reason they never totally made me lost in amazement.

So going through lecture in Australia and my outreach in Africa all these truths about God have slowly moved and transformed the rest of my being, but for this to happen I had to be very intentional in searching for God and understanding the love he has for me. As I was pursuing God, for some reason, Jesus’ greatest commandment found in Mark 12:30 “Love the Lord your God with all you heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength,” consumed me. So here is the greatest command of God, and it says to love Him with all you have. Simple, but yet so hard to explain and carry out. But how do I really love God, and what does it look like when I do? All my life I have heard that love is a choice and not a feeling. But all my life I chosen to “love” God and do his commands, but I have felt no real love for God. Sure I liked God, because he has done so much for me. My perception of God was more like, “Oh yeah, he’s really cool and can do some amazing things, but I can’t force myself to love something I don’t understand.” I can say, “I love you, God” a million times, but the more I say it doesn’t make it any more real. Every time I sang songs of loving God, it wasn’t a lie, but more of a dream. It was like I wanted to love God, but didn’t know how to get to that point where it was undeniable. So as Jesus spoke the words that the most important thing for you to do it to love God with all that you are, for my whole life I felt like I was missing something, something so simple yet the most important thing I could do. Something that when I obtained it would change the direction of my life.

So as I pursued this idea of loving God with all of me, I tried to figure out the greatest commandment in a practical way that I could work toward. So as I looked at the scripture, and tried to break it down. The first thing that jumped out was the word love. So I pondered what love is. Like I said, many people say love is a choice, and then some say it is a feeling, but I say it is some of both. But the most important thing about real love is that it must be a part of a two-sided relationship. Without a relationship, there is no love. I can know everything about God, and not have a relationship with him. You can’t really love something you just know by knowledge, but it has to be known by experience and living in communion with the other. I then began to try to find words that replaced love in the sentence, and I came to settle on just one; love is a pursuit. So as I placed pursuit in the passage, it came out to say, “Pursue God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength.”

I came upon the word pursue, because as I discovered with my relationship with God, everything must be very intentional. If you sit back and just wait for him to show up, you will be waiting for your entire life. God is like any other being; he wants to be wanted. Otherwise love would be too easy, and it would be almost robotic. When pursuing something, there is always an objective or goal behind it. For my pursuit, my goal was to understand and connect with the love of God. And as I attempted to work this verse out for myself, I rethought the verse to say, “Pursue God’s heart, soul, mind, and strength.” For when I look at God, I see perfection in every aspect of who He is. There is nothing wrong, so if I am seeking to love, it must God’s love. If I want to love, I must pursue to love with God’s love through his heart, spirit, mind, and strength.

So when I am in pursuit of God, I must start to gain his heart for myself. For me, the heart is the place where desires arise. So if I have a heart after God’s, like king David, this means my desire match up with his. So if my desires are away from God’s, my pursuit drives me to transform those in alignment with his. If my desire to uplift myself, but as I seek God I understand that my heart’s needs to uplift God, then I must seek that transformation in my life. If I see that God’s heart is turned to grace, mercy, and compassion, I must reflect that in my own heart in how I see the homeless, sick, prisoner and outcast. Again, you can only love God with all your heart, when you have the God’s heart. If my heart’s desire is to live in comfort and ease, then I have to give that up for walking in faith by his control.

In the case with pursuing God with all you soul, it seems a little more mysterious. For me, the whole understanding of our soul is so different. I have heard some things about my spirit, but it never clicked for me. But after being very intentional with God over the last 6 months, I can say that my spirit inside me was begun to awaken and become aware of the messages that God’s spirit laid onto mine. So to pursue God with your soul/spirit, to me it means to open yourself up and embrace the mystery that God is. The Holy Spirit is more that your conscience, it is your guiding force. It is what moves you, and to deny that God speak through it means that you are limiting God’s power in your life. Talking about the spirit always takes me back to the scene where God is breathing his life into Adam in the garden. God made this man out of dirt, then bends down and breathes into his nostrils the breath of God or his spirit. The spirit gives life and to find true life in God, you must connect with His spirit and find the freedom it gives you.

Unlike the spirit, pursuing God with you mind might seem a little more logical. For me the pursuit of connecting with God in your mind is important, but at the same time its not just and intellectual knowledge of God, but a connecting with God’s mind. I think the first step in pursuing God’s mind is the realization that his ways are higher than your and that his logic is greater than yours, and that not matter how long you search for his understanding you won’t ever have it fully. When you step into this path of humility, it shows God that there is no pride in you, and gives him opportunity to work. So when pursuing God’s love with your mind, you must seek him out with what you put into your mind. Looking back on what you feed your mind, does it all reflect what is true, noble, and pure? Often in our cases, it is not. Are the images that I let my eyes see worthy of God? The stuff we feed our mind, becomes the stuff that consumes it. When the stuff is bad, our mind is bad, but when it’s good our mind is good. So to love God with our mind, we must regulate what we put in it. For me this is a battle. This is a battle that Christ is winning inside me, but it still is a choice every time a thought of hatred, pride, lust, and jealousy comes into my mind, to deny them to stay floating in my mind. The moment the thought comes, I must rebuke and cut them down with the blood of Christ. This battle of my mind actually is just truly beginning. As I am leaving an environment that built me up, and as I am going back into the world, in a sense, my true test has begun. Which leads me to the next point.

Strength is all about the test. To love, pursuit, and connect to God with all your strength, all comes down to what your body does. Strength is the choice you make out of your heart, soul, and mind. Strength is the battleground. To love God with your strength means that you actually follow what he says. Many people pursue God with their minds or hearts, or souls, but when it comes down to the fight they back down under pressure. I also believe that many people start here when they decide to love God, but yet forget about the foundation that the heart, soul, and mind provide. False strength that forgets the heart, soul, and mind will fall. So to pursue God with your strength mean to use your strength as Jesus would. This brings me back to Philippians 2, where Jesus is described as a servant and one who did not exult himself, but the father. To love God with your strength means to do the same. It means to serve him and his children with his love and to consider others better than yourself.

After I broke down the scripture and by living it out found out what it meant to me, something simple happened. One night I was walking from my tent to the bathroom listening to my iPod. I was softly singing along to the song “Intoxicating” sung by David Crowder. Towards the end of the song, the song goes like this…

“If I’m out of my mind its you, you, cuz I’m crazy in love with you, you. I’m created by you, you, cuz I am head over heels for you, you,”

And as I was walking to the bathroom singing this song to myself, I came to the realization that the words I had just said, were for the first time in my life true. No more wishful thinking, but a love that I felt, that was consuming, that I choose to give God. In that moment I was caught up in who God was and what his love meant for my life. This moment didn’t come with angels or flashing light, but in a simple everyday moment of needing to go to the bathroom. Something just clicked in that moment and God allowed for that fight for love to be won. He allowed the to experience the very thing I was pursuing, I love for him I couldn’t deny.

Looking back on my time in Australia and South Africa, I can say I would do it all over again for eternity just for that one moment, of truly knowing in all of my heart, soul, mind, and strength that I loved God. I would give all my money, all my comfort, and all my future, just to know this love and experience in greater and greater ways. I came out to YWAM for direction and came back transformed. But even in this moment, I know that this is the start of my true pursuit of God and his love and my love for Him.

I don’t know if you have ever had that moment, the one where you just know. But if I can say one thing, its worth going for. It’s worth giving up your future. It’s worth being exposed. It’s worth being seen as crazy. It’s worth your whole life.

“If we are out of our mind, it is for the sake of God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you. For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who love should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.” 2 Corinthians 5:13-15

I left my life to find something, and I got more that I bargained for…

Fight the Good Fight

2007-05-21T07:53:00.000-05:00

After being in the middle of Durban for 2 weeks, we finally made it out of the city and have hit the last leg of our outreach. We took about a 5 hour drive to the small town of Piet Retief near the border of Swaziland. I needed to get out of the city. I was beginning to get a little closterphobic among the tall building. I need something a little more open. So when it came time to pack up and leave the city I was ready. I learned so much in the downtown area of Durban and our ministry there, but I was in need of something different.

So right now just a bit outside of this small town, I am sitting under the stars writing an email. I couldn’t think of a place where I would rather write, in the middle of nowhere underneath a blanket of stars. And yes, I can see a blanket of stars, not just the few you can see in Atlanta or Nashville. After 6 weeks in a very populous area, it is nice to get out into the country, and to see the world how it was intended to look. I can’t tell you how blessed I feel to be out in the place.

In our time here in Piet Retief, we will be working with a local youth group, feeding ministry, orphanage, hospital, and various schools. One week we even get to help to a church planting ministry among a very rural African area. I can’t tell you too much of the ministry I am doing here, because I don’t know what it will look like. Another bad thing is that I will be out of internet service for most of the remainder of the trip, so I probably won’t be able to catch you up on what’s happening till its over and I am back in Australia.

Knowing that I will be home in about a month, I get really excited about seeing everyone back at home that I haven’t been apart of the last 6 months. But even though I am so excited about coming home and seeing my family and friends again, I have to suppress those thoughts. These next 4 weeks are going to be what determines my whole experience in missions, and I know that God is going to show me a lot if I stay focused. For this reason, I must live in every moment with no thoughts away from this place. This is my home for a month, and to finish the race and fight the good fight, I have to stay here mentally, spiritually, and physically. So even though I so much want to be home, I know that I am here for a reason.

There are many reasons a left home 5 months ago, and many questions I needed to find the answers to, and so far a lot of those things are still a mystery to me. So if I believe God is faithful to answers these things that are in my heart, these next 5 weeks are going to be huge for me and my future. There are so many things deep inside of me that I wish I could express, but as of right now I can’t get them out. So maybe when I get home, I will be able to tell you what the mysteries are in my heart, but for right now they will just remain.

So if you are in willing to pray for me, I would ask that the mysteries in my heart would be revealed to me, and that I would know what they mean for me. Pray that I will not lose focus in the last moments, and that I will live in everyday like it is the only day I have. For if God is real, he is the only thing that matters.

A Second Chance

2007-05-06T10:18:00.000-05:00

The greatest lessons in life are born out of mistake and struggle. This was true for me a day ago. Yesterday, my team had the afternoon off from ministry for some team bonding time, and we went to a beach area and ate together as a group. When we finished, we split up into two groups, one group staying in the shopping area, and the other group that I was included in went down to the ocean. As we walked along, our group of seven came upon a short pier, and we together made our way to the end of it. We sat at the edge of the pier for about 5 minutes until the idea of jumping off the side into the water came up in conversation. 3 of us decided we would jump off and swim to shore. As I climb over the railing, I judged the jump to be about 10 feet down and the depth of the water to be about 5 feet. I jumped off first and landed in about 4 feet of water, stood up, and urged my two friends to join me. They jumped in, so I turned around and started walking/swimming to the shore which was about 30 yards away. I turned back to see the girl with a look of fear in her eyes and she was swimming very close to the pier. The pier was not solid underneath but was held up by a series of columns. I call out to her to swim away from pier parallel to the beach, and not for her to swim directly to the shore. I was very confused about her situation, because here I was standing in 4 feet of water with no trouble. My other friend tried going by her and helping her swim out, but them they both seemed to be struggling and weren’t getting anywhere. I swam over to them, because walking against the waves isn’t the easiest thing to do. So I swam close to the girl and grabbed her arms and tried to pull her out from the edge of the pier, but I wasn’t getting anywhere. So I tried to put me feet down thinking it was still very shallow, but the water was probably about 10 feet. I was probably about 20 feet from where the water was shallow, but the current was so strong that we couldn’t swim out from the pier and we were all stuck along its edge. The danger was in getting pulled underneath the pier where we would have helplessly been tossed between the columns. As the waves would come in, we braced ourselves by holding onto the columns, but the problem was in the back current. As the wave broke on shore and then proceeded to be drawn back out to sea, the water flowed underneath the pier, causing anything at the edge of the pier to be stuck there or even worse sucked beneath. Even though we were so close to the shore, it felt like a mile. As with situations like this, all logic goes out the window. You just swim and cling, swim a cling. You don’t think, you just struggle. There was a point in the experience where I thought, “This could be it.”

Eventually the 3 of us worked ourselves from column to column between the back currents until we made it back to shore. As we came upon the shore, a feeling of defeat came upon us. We were exhausted, and we started to feeling all the cuts and ourselves. The blood trickled down from our arms, hands, legs, and feet. We soon realized that the columns that we were holding onto were all covered with coral and crustaceans that cut us every time we clung to the columns when a wave came barreling in. In the moment we couldn’t feel the pain, all we could feel was weakness and struggle. All we could feel hopelessness and fear. Up on shore, I was just happy to be alive. One wave could have done us in; one undercurrent could have sucked us down. Standing back on dry ground, it all just seemed like a dream. The whole struggle might have only lasted 3 minutes, but it felt like I was in there for a lifetime. All it would have took was one wave to rise up and a slam my head into the column and I would have been knocked out and would have drown. In the end all I felt was happiness and comfort in being alive, but soon I understood a glimpse of what could have happened. In a moment of selfishness in seeking adventure and fun, I made a foolish decision that could have cost me my life and those of my friends. One moment of fun could have impacted a whole world of people. So basically this blog post is a confession and an apology. I ask for your forgiveness for thinking my life was my own, for thinking a moment of adventure was more important that my mission in life, and not thinking of all the people that could be affected by my death. It was a selfish moment that taught me a lot about myself. In moments like this you become aware of how weak you really are and how hopeless things can seem to be. But even more than that, God’s grace and protection through disobedience and mistakes become even more real. I am still alive for a reason. I am still alive because of love even through sin and foolishness.

I thought to myself after it happened, we could have very easily jumped off the pier, landed in the shallow area and walked back to the shore without any consequences. We would have walked away and no second thought would have come back to that moment of foolishness, without being aware of the danger we were near. But I believe God allowed us to struggle to feel hopeless for a reason. I learned more about myself in those 3 minutes in the water, than I could in 3 years on land. It is hard to rise up again when you have been humble to see your own weakness and foolishness. If I could go back in time and choose not to jump off the pier, I would not jump off. But I am glad what occurred happened, because without I would still be foolish.

From this day on, I can say my outlook on life is a little different. It’s a little bit more real, a little more urgent. It’s hard to think of what would have happened if one of or all of us had died. What it would have meant for all those I love. So in the end, I am truly sorry for what I did. To all those who have supported me financially, you have every right to question if you should have. For all those who are praying for me, I thank you that God answered your prayers of protection over my life. And don’t worry about my wounds, they are just scratches, but still good reminders to me and my friends of what could have happened without the grace of God upon us.

In other news, the street kids we have been working with have made some dramatic changes. They actually listen to us now and talk to us. It is still a challenge getting into their hearts, but it is worth it for sure. We are heading into our last week of ministry here in the city, and we expect some major things to be happening among the boys and the community. I can’t say I love the place, but I do love the challenge. I will write again next week, but as of right now my internet time is about to run out, so hopefully you will hear from me soon.

Transition

2007-04-28T06:41:00.000-05:00

My team just moved out of our first location and just arrived in our new one is the middle of downtown Durban. It kind of reminds me of the Bronx. It was sad leaving the township we had come to know in the past 26 days. To think I was there 26 days is crazy, it seemed like a week. My team was really blessed to experience such a place. Everyone talked about how dangerous the township was, but we did not experience any problems, because God’s protection was really around us. So we said our goodbye to the church that we worked with and to the individuals who helped us with our ministry and took off. Here are two of my stories that happened in the last 2 week that I was blessed to be a part of.

The first had to do with a feeding ministry the church put on. These people had to show up at a certain time and wait for their food, and while they were waiting the church would preach to them, and since out team came; we took over the preaching part. We did it for 3 times over 4 weeks and each time it went over well. We would perform dramas and sing songs and give testimonies and encouragements. One day I was really struggling being here and was missing home and felt really burnt out. I was praying that God would give me his joy in that new day. So around 10:30 we went to the feeding ministry for the 2nd time and spoke a few words and did a few dramas, but the atmosphere of the place seemed really dead. So we began to play “Happy Day” and the people seemed to enjoy it, but it still seemed a little dead. And then all my thoughts I had been thinking over the last few days swelled up in my mind, so I prayed once again for the joy to return to me. A few seconds later an old lady, maybe 4 and half feet tall, started dancing. If you would look at her, you would see her feeble bent over body and think that she couldn’t dance. She couldn’t dance very much but she did it with all her old body allowed her to do. So when I saw this small little women dancing, the joy returned to my blood and then I jumped in and starting dancing beside her, and before you knew it the whole place was dancing just because of one little women and one answer prayer.

The next week we had the opportunity to go back to the same feeding ministry, and we did a few more dramas and had a short message then I gave them a short message. But the message was not one of “this is how you should live,” but it was more of “you have got it.” I started out by thanking them for teaching my about God and teaching me about his joy. I told them the story of the previous week on how I was feeling down and how God answered my prayers with their joy. I told them that the world would look at them and call them poor, but I said that God looked at them and called them rich, because their joy was overwhelming. I said a few more things, but the basic message was one of thanks and of encouragement for living out joy that does not depend on how much one has, but joy that depends on knowing and being saved by Jesus. After I spoke to them, we play some music again and had another dance party like the week before. I couldn't have been happier.
In our last week in the township, a 18 year old boy named Constable came to my leader and my roommate and I weeping wanting to get his life right. He lives in the same building we did and was in charge of locking the gates at night and being security during the day. He didn't get paid for this job, but it id provide him a free place top stay. Well anyway, he came to us that night and just broke down in front of us and wanted to get his life straight. We prayed for him and told him that God loved him and did all we could. We told him e should friend my roommate and I each night, and we will pray for him together before we all go to bed. So every night he came up to our room, and we asked him how his day went and then we prayed. The first couple nights, his prayer mainly seem to focus on "Why God do you to this to me?" as relation to his situation with no job or money. We gave him a bible in the middle of the week and after we told him to stop reading Revelations and start with John, so he started reading from John. Over the next few days you could see his prayers started focusing away from accusing God, to asking "I want to be a son of God" in his broken English. Two nights before we left the township to move to our new location, we started talking to him about baptism. He didn't really understand what baptism was then he started talking about something off topic. My roommate and I couldn't really understand what he was talking about then all of the sudden he lifts up his shirt and reveal the tribal stings that he wears around his waist. As he showed us, we knew exactly what they were. They are "protection" strings that witch doctors sell to people throughout the village. They are a real bondage and there is real power linked to them. One day we were walking though a neighborhood and some of our team enters a home of a witch doctor and there was a woman there trying to get healed form something. She was wearing these strings, and my team members starting asking her as about her sickness and her strings. Our team asked if she had ever tried to take off the stings and she said she had once but, something came upon her and almost killed her. So as this boy was in our room and he revealed this to us, we flat out told him that it was against God's law and that he didn't need any protection other than God himself. We placed a knife in front of him and gave him a choice. He began to have some inner turmoil whether he would do it or not. After about 10 minutes of talking with us with tears he took the knife in a moment of desperation and cut the strings off. At that Monet I put my hands on him and started praying. I could feel the tension in the room, and it was a spiritual tension. My heart starting pounding and I started to get some chill bumps all over my body. It was real. It wasn't just superstition, but a real demonic bondage. After we prayed for about 10 minutes he went back to his room. The next night he came back to our room to pray with us and we asked him how he was doing. This was the last night before we left for out new location, so as he prayed, he started praying a blessing on our work in the new location. He asked God to protect us and keep us from evil. As he prayed I was blown away. Here is a kid who was totally accusing God at the beginning of the week and is now praying blessing over us. WHAT?!? To see God change a person that quick was amazing and life changing for me. I was so blessed just to be a part of it. We left the next day, but before we did, we set him up in a baptism school, where the students learn what it means over a series of classes and at the end of the session are baptized.

So right now I am in an internet cafe in the city. Actually on the way here, my friend with me almost got mugged, because we went down a street we shouldn't have. We saw the people getting close, and one of them reached for my friend's shirt, so we just starting running. It’s a dangerous place but not bad if you stay in groups and if you are smart about who is around to and where you go. Don't worry too much about me though. We have been in the city for a week now, and have been working with a church that works with street kids. The kids are homeless and sniff glue. They spend the night outside the church, and are pretty much hopeless in the world's eyes. But this small little church we work with is a light to this dark neighborhood. The staff there have so much hope and light in there eyes. They know that the boys are a hard case, but they love saying there is hope when most would say there is none. These boys sniff this glue from the moment the wake up till the moment they pass out at night. They take the glue so they don't feel hunger and so they can feel powerful. Most of the kids make a living out of begging and mugging people. So they work we are in right now isn't very easy. Our goal for these kids is to get them to a point where they want to go back home or off the streets. We bring about 15 or them a day into the church and try to teach them some basic learning and give them a small devotional. Then we provide some lunch for them. As you might know, they don't care about anything but the food.

So the challenge is helping these kids learn about God while they are high on glue. A true challenge by human standards, actually impossible by human standards, but with the power of God on our side and his Father heart wanting them to return home to their parents and even more importantly him, nothing is impossible. We believe God will change these boys’ lives over the next 2 weeks and that he will perform miracles to show his love to them. Our team really can’t do much on our own. We really do have to really on God goodness and faithfulness with these boys. We pray hard for the boys, because in the end that's all we can do. All we can do is show are passion for these boys to God, and let him act on his goodness and love.

I am not sure what kind of adventures this next week holds for my team and me, but I do know that it will be challenging, but in the end it will be worth it. There is always hope in God, hope for every person, in every different situation out there. That’s something I have learned out here. Telling people about Jesus and showing God’s love is not always about numbers. All it takes is for you to change one life by bringing them the love of Christ, and that street kids that everyone said had no hope, turns out to be the next Billy Graham or Nelson Mandela. You never know the plan God has for these boys and to say they are hopeless is to blaspheme the power and nature of God.

God has taught me a lot of things our here on my trip so far, but my future is still uncertain for me. Lately I have had to give my future daily over to God, and just be at peace where I am now and live in what he has put before me. I try not to think about where I will be in the coming years, because usually when you do that you just get worried and worker up. But if you would like top say a prayer for my future it would be greatly appreciated. I know in the coming months I am going to have to make so major decisions in my about my direction. I am hoping that God will make it clear for me to see his direction, but a little extra praying won’t hurt, that’s for sure. So if you feeling like you need to pray for me and the work I am in out here, pray that these boys will know and experience the blood of Jesus Christ and the embrace of the Father in heaven, even though the darkness they are in is so deep. Pray that I will pursue the heart of God with all I have inside of me and that God’s direction in my life will become clear to me.

I know this email has a lot of errors in it, but I am tired of writing and don’t feel like revising it. Forgive me, but I hope that you enjoyed and were encouraged by it.

Beauty in the Mysterious

2007-04-16T07:08:00.000-05:00

Over the last week I have come to find out something about myself that I always have known but never really knew why it was so important to figure out. This week I have recognized that I am a person that loves to be in awe. I love mountains and clouds. I love lightening and waves. I love sunrises and wide open spaces. This love is built in me. I do not know exactly why I am drawn to stop and gaze at a valley cut by a river, but I do know it reveals a bit about myself. Lately I have been setting my alarm for 5:45AM to catch the sunrise. My alarm goes off and then a sit up and look out the window. If I can tell it will be a spectacular sunrise I get up and go outside and climb the side of the building we are staying at. On the roof I watch the sun roll over the edge of the earth while at the same time it breaths colors into the atmosphere. It is at this time when I feel alive, and it is at this time I know my place. I find weakness in the storm as the wind stirs my spirit and as the lightning’s shout rattle my being. It is at these moments I feel like I know my God and I know my place in his arms. His mountains show me his strength and his wind tells me of his spirit.

One morning as I rose, I looked out my window and saw one of the most beautiful skies ever; I quickly hopped out and ran to the exit of the building. As a came to the door and turned the handle I realized it was locked. I started frantically searching for another exit but all the doors throughout the building were locked. I was in such agony because I was missing out on the beauty, missing out on feeling connected. Eventually I made it up on the roof, but much of the beauty had faded and the moment was gone. I starred at the sky I had wanted to see, and thought about my own life. I don’t feel like a person who is easily impressed. I don’t really like the city. I’ll take a river over a pool any day. I’ll choose a mountain over a building in a heartbeat. I know that God has wired me in such a way to be in awe of him and his power, to gaze at his beauty and just stand in wonder. And as I reflect on my experience of being locked in the building with no way out to experience God’s beauty and wonder, I realized I never want that experience to an image of my life. I don’t want to be shut out on God’s beauty. If there is something to experience and see, I want to strive for it. If I ever come to a point in my life, where I don’t stop and stare at a rainbow or see beauty in a dying sun, I know then I am ready for heaven, because I will have lost my sense of awe. If the beauty of God cannot be experience, then I don’t want to live anymore. But if there is something else, a deeper experience, then I want to live a life that is about finding it. I so much do not want to miss out on the sunrises of God’s presence. I do not want to be locked out from knowing him deeper, from just standing before him and realizing the height of his power and the depth of his love. If there is deeper beauty in God, I will live my life in pursuit of just that.

I am reading a book entitled The Ragamuffin Gospel, by Brennan Manning This book is all about grace, and at one point in the book, the author quotes a prayer of a rabbi:

“Dear Lord, grant me the grace of wonder. Surprise me, amaze me, awe me in every crevice of Your universe. Delight me to see how Your Christ plays in ten thousand places, lovely in limbs, and lovely in eyes not His, to the Father through the features of men’s faces. Each day enrapture me with Your marvelous things without number. I do not ask to see the reason for it all; I ask only to share the wonder off it all.”

I have now stolen this prayer and made it my own, All I want is a life that doesn’t disappoint, one that doesn’t miss out on what God has in store for me. I do not want to limit myself and the beauty that I can experience, by my own understanding and wisdom. There is more out there, more than we know.

Sometimes I wish I could have grown up in Egypt during the Exodus just to experience the awesome power of God or been with Elijah on the mountain just to see the fire from heaven. I feel this applies to my time in Africa more than I know. I long so much to be in awe of something God does out here in Africa. So far I have learned so much and had countless great experiences, but I haven’t just been speechless by seeing God move yet. I know that it will come, but it’s just as matter of unlocking the door. I so much want to be stuck in awe out here, to have something from God I can’t deny, some story to tell about the power of God. Sometimes I feel like we as normal present day southern Christians believe that God has stopped being a god who shows wonders, who heals, and works miracles. I highly doubt God has changed his ways that much. I don’t want my own understanding to limit God. So I will no longer lean on my understanding, but in all my ways I will acknowledge him and his power. Don’t limit God on what you think he is, his ways are mysterious. Step out of the boat, even if you don’t understand. That why its called “stepping out on faith,” not stepping out on evidence or reason.

All God asks of us is to put our faith and hope in his limitless power and love, and just stand in his presence in silence of his beauty. God doesn’t ask us to use our own power and love, just he just asks us to use his and to believe in it with our whole heart.

There remains to be beauty in the mysterious, awe in the things we cannot explain. If I could look at God once and know him fully, why would I ever go back? Praise God for his mystery, thank him that there is no end to his love and power. For it is in God’s mystery that we can have faith, and it is in faith that we can believe this same beauty cares for the hearts and souls of man. The most magnificent mystery of God is why he chooses to love the creation of man. There is mystery and beauty in the cross and in the grace and mercy of his love, and for that I could stand in awe of him forever…

Focus

2007-04-09T04:52:00.000-05:00

With the Easter week coming to a close, there has been a lot to reflect on from this week. The schools are out this week, so our team really didn’t have any opportunity to do children’s ministry outside of church. The church our team is working with here, put on a passion play that was split over two nights. It was pretty awesome to experience because they mixed in cultural dances and lots of other dances that required rhythm that just doesn’t exist in North American white people. We had the opportunity to do minister to a small group of new Christians that was just formed from a revival in one of the villages. The small group was held in the front lawn of one of the new believers. There were about 30 people they in the light of one light bulb. Our group performed a drama and one of my teammates spoke a message. The setting for the night was just perfect. The house, if you could call it that, had one light bulb by the door that gave just enough light to a lawn full of people. As I was there I just pondered the thought of how true this situation represented the spiritual. It was under one light bulb that people were coming to know who there God was. It was so real, that we would gather around the light in the middle of this dark village. To be in the light was beautiful.

One day this week, we had the opportunity to go to a clinic and minister there. We thought we would be going to people on the death bed, so our whole team prepared and prayed for how to talk to people who were in their last days. But when we got to the clinic, it was 300 people in line to receive medication. It was something totally different from what we expected. So we shared a few testimonies and gave people an opportunity to come to Christ. Many people responded and waited on prayer from us, but the funny thing is that when we trying to minister the people were moving down the line. While we were praying for people, we saw an old 85 year women that we met the day before and prayed for. The first time we talked to her she wanted us to pray for some pain she had in her chest he dealt with fluid around her chest. We prayed for her and we parted ways, but in the clinic we met her again. I saw her and went up to her and she explained who the pressure in her chest was gone. She was sitting beside one of her friends and line and they just started talking to me about prayer and how powerful it was. She just went on and on about how prayer is the only thing that we can do we all seems hopeless. So as these two were talking about prayer with me, I asked if one of them would pray for me. They looked so excited to pray for someone. I was knelling in front of them anyway because I am too tall to stand and talk to someone who is sitting line. So I bowed my head and one of the women put her hands on my shoulders and prayed for me. That experience alone made the whole trip so far worth it. Who else can say that they were prayed for by 2 African old ladies, probably not a lot of people in my opinion.

With the whole Easter holiday this week I really tried to think about the importance of this week in my relationship with God. Especially the idea that when Jesus dies he took away our sins so that we could access God. Jesus didn’t just take away our sins so we wouldn’t be condemned, but he took away ours sins that we could anyone could access God and have a real relationship with him. I thought a lot about the curtain of the temple being torn and what it meant to me and my present situation. As I grew up I was always told about this intimate God who loves us and wants to surround us. I was also told that Jesus has made this intimate relationship possible. I guess I always thought it just meant that I could know God when I get to heaven. But in the last couple of months I have come to know that it means that I can have a relationship with the Father now, and I don’t have to wait for it. It is here to grab. Over the last week, I have come to find out in myself how much a really want to know this God I serve. It is not just enough to know about his love and character. It must be experienced. It must be felt. If there is a God who is intimate, that is the God I serve. I don’t want to know the God I perceive to be a year ago. I search for the God I know now. He is here, he is real, and he is waiting for a relationship. Many people say that God wants to be our friend, but do not approach God the same way they would a friend. They do not seek to know more about him. They do not talk to him expecting him to answer back. They do not seek his voice in their lives. I was that person. I thought God was good, but distant. He is so much closer than we think. So much more involved with our every step. And if you try to listen to his voice, you might just here something he is trying to say to you. It might not be loud, but maybe just a quiet whisper in your conscience. So this week, I turned away from stressing about finding my will in God. Rather I turned to finding my relationship with God and his voice in my life. When I find God and know his heart I will know his will. Seek first your relationship with him. That is the most important thing you can do in this life. Choose to be a Mary who sits a the feet of Jesus and just listens rather than a Martha who is stressing in the kitchen. Relax and have peace that the only thing that matters in this world is one relationship. Put effort into this one bond, and everything else in the world will come in line. Know why God created you. He didn’t create you to live and work. He created you to live and love him and to know him. He created us for relationship.

I have been struggling to keep this thought in the front of my mind. With so much going on out here in ministry you can easily forget about God. I found myself this week being really discourage about my impact out here and what was God’s will for me out here. But through various searching and prayer, I realized that God didn’t not just bring me out here to bring the good news about Jesus, but he brought me out here to find him and experience him in new ways. I was discouraged because I was caught up in finding the will if God rather than God. I felt drained because I detached myself from his power and presence. When you are at the point where you put your own relationship with God above and ministry you do, that is when you become most effective as a light in this world. The closer you are to the source of light, the brighter your reflection of him will be. So in all I found out that bringing the light to the world requires that you are constantly striving for that deep relationship with God.

So my cry the last couple of days has been a cry for intimacy. To know and recognize the presence of God in my life. To know and to speak to him like a friend is what I seek. There is something more important in this life than just living. Living isn’t real life unless it is intertwined with the love of God. Is a relationship with God easy? No, it requires a deep pursuit and almost a struggle. It’s a fight and a marathon. Even though my real name isn’t Jacob I have identified with Jacob and his wrestling match with God. That what I feel like I am doing sometimes, wrestling in my relationship with God. Its worth it though. If God wants to wrestle, I am for it.

So if you want to shout up a prayer for me, it would be nice if you asked God to keep my team and I focused on our relationship with him above all.

And So It Begins...

2007-04-02T04:25:00.000-05:00

Well, I have made it through the "training" in Australia, and after short plane ride have made it to South Africa. It seems so strange that I will be here under African skies for 3 months. I have been here almost a week and I have got up to watch 3 sunrises and 3 sunsets. There is something about the African sky that it so much bigger so much more. Its like God said "I won't give you wealth, but I'll give you beauty." Durban, the city I will be for the next 6 weeks, has so much contrast to it. Right now I am sitting in a Internet cafe in the largest mall in the southern hemisphere, but 5 miles away is complete poverty. There is so much to do here, so many people to reach. If you think too much about it you start to get hopeless. But the God we serve is big, but it is up to us to partner with him to bring change.

The first day in Durban we went to a school with kids from grade 1 to 7. There were 1200 students and 40 staff. We got to perform a drama and share a testimony of God's love for all people and especially for the children of South Africa. The kids started to sing a cultural song for us in Zulu, the native language of Durban, and I started to tear up because I remembers why I loved this place so much. It is so unique. The kids have the biggest smiles on their faces and hold so much hope in there eyes. You might think Africa is place without hope, but I say I have seen it in the eyes of the next generation. God is beginning to stir in the hearts of this generation.

While South Africa has been so amazing and exciting in one sense, it has been so overwhelming to me in another. It start on Saturday morning for me when we went to share the message of Christ to a prison. We we through the building, with doors locked behind us and went into a 15 by 30 foot room with 24 prisoners sitting on the floor. I stood up a gave them the message of God's love for them, and how sin separates us from a him, and the story of Jesus and his crucifixion. I told them that Jesus came to set the captives free. I gave them a choice to choose freedom in Christ like the criminal on the right of Jesus or choose death like the one nailed on the left of Jesus. In the end 18 of the 24 captives choose freedom. We got to pray with them afterward and lead them in a sinners prayer. I have never done anything like that before in front of anyone, much less in a prison, in a cage. Talking about freedom, when you in prison makes it more real and urgent. So we soon left the building and once I got out in the parking lot a began to cry. I had no idea why. Soon a realized that it was God's spirit of compassion coming in me. It was so overwhelming and just to think that was just the smallest portion of God's love and compassion for the captives in sin. It gave me such an inner struggle to have this compassion but not to do anything with it. I know now that it was God just showing me his love for these people and giving me this compassion, so when the time comes I can act on it. Because if I don't act on it I think I will explode.

Its been a crazy ride these past 6 days and its only going to get crazier. But that's where the excitement lies. The mystery of God and his path for each one of us is what keeps us living. If I knew everything about God and his path for me, what would motivate me to search for him and his heart, I would become lazy. God's mystery causes us to search and struggle for him and his will.

I will probably only have Internet access once a week, so don't expect updates more than that. Keep those encouragements and prayers coming, because it helps me more that you could understand. When we pray, it shows God our passion and cause him to respond.

Here a video I made right before I left Australia. Its not edited very well so have a little grace. I hope you enjoy it though.

Base Life Video

A Beautiful Struggle

2007-03-26T16:48:00.000-05:00

I'm sitting in the computer lounge after waking up around 5AM. Normally I wouldn't wake up this early, but today is the day I am leaving for South Africa. It is kind of a bittersweet feeling. On one side I am leaving so many close friends as we all go to our different mission location, but on the other I am about to step out into what God has prepared for me over the last 3 months. Packing up has been kind of sad. My dorm room actually put all our mattresses on the floor last night, so we could have a slumber party in our room. Mainly, we just ended up jumping on one another, wrestling, and making too much noise. It was a great night to end up on with the guys I have come so close to on this school. I really have been blessed with so many great relationships out here. So as I am at the point of departure, I will try to recap my experiences in Perth, Australia.

Coming to Perth seemed so exciting to me till I actually got on the base in the middle of the night. It seems just like yesterday that I was walking though the dark trying to find an open bunk to sleep in. When I first got out here I felt little comfort in the new situation I was end. But as time progressed, relationships were formed and friends were made. I thought it would be easy. I thought doing a DTS would be a good break from school to slow down, reflect, and find direction. But God did not give me time to slow down, reflect or even find direction in this time yet. He has hit me from every direction with new revelation on who he is and what I am to be. I thought life would slow down and that I would get lots of sleep, but I got less sleep than I ever have before. I thought I would be able to reflect on my time here easily, but every few breaths I took and a week passed by. I thought I came out here for direction, but God showed me that I must live in Truth. There wasn't a lot of time to do anything other than focus on God. Life out here wasn't comfortable or easy, but it was so worth it. I have been given such an opportunity that has allowed me to come to know God in a way that it takes many their whole life to find. These past 3 months were all about pressure. So many thing I have come to know about God and the life I need to live have challenged me. I have learned things that almost would have been easy to not know. I wish I didn't to deal with so many areas of my life, but when I do, that is when I take a step closer to God. Life isn't about what is easy. Life is about the struggle. Life is the struggle. You can't escape it. You can either struggle for the right things or you can struggle for the wrongs things, but in all things you will struggle. But I have come to know a struggle that is so worth it. Wrestling with God like Jacob can be so intense. I feel like I have done that these past 3 months, but I am not about to stop. I have been taught so much about God and come to have such a deeper relationship with him out here, but I am not done. I am not satisfied with what I have been given yet. There is so much more to know about God, and there is so much more of his love to feel. I will struggle to find him, because he is worth it. His love is worth struggle, our love was worth struggle for him.

I have learned out here that I shouldn't put God in a box, that I shouldn't limit his power by my own imagination. He is bigger than the air I breath. He is more powerful than any military. He holds the universe between his fingers. And for me to say that he only works in this way or that is ridiculous. I don't claim to know him well, but I do claim that I am in pursuit of him with all that I have. I never before have been focused this much. I find myself in deep thought and turmoil all day. There is this churning inside of me that wants more. It has been hard for me to understand the concept of being satisfied with the "living water." I have been given the drink, yet I am still thirsty for more. I have tasted the love of my God and I want more. There is always more to know and experience in what and who God is. He is not a tooth fairy tidily winks God. He is wild and powerful. He doesn't like to be contained by our own faith in him. He wants to break out a show himself, but it is up to us to turn and face him.

There is so much to write about, and so much more to know about God. he is worth pain and struggle. Its not a struggle without fruit, but rather the is beauty in this struggle. Its almost a dance mixed with wrestling. Personally, I want to wrestle with God. I want to put all my effort on finding him. I believe God looks for our struggle. He looks for our desperation.

So I a set out for South Africa today, I take the things I have learned. I know that there will be real troubles, but this is the testing ground for my faith. It is easy to struggle with God in a safe, Christian bubble on the base. But real life starts today. Real faith will prove itself today. God has taught me so much, but now is the time to live up to it. A real relationship with God cannot stop with God. There has to be a burning desire for the people of this world too. So now I am off to find God in other people.

I really want to keep writing, but I need to finish packing up. Thank you to all who made this expereince possible for me and please continue to pray for me.

Hope

2007-03-01T00:15:00.000-05:00

Hope. Just a word, but when does it become real? Lately, God has led me to search for the true meaning of Hope in this world. I always thought Hope was just like faith, but I never really understood the difference. I can't say, "I have Hope that Jesus' blood saves." No, I must have faith that Jesus' blood saves us without exception. Rather, Hope involves uncertainty. Faith says, "I praise God because I know what He has done and I know what He will do." Hope says, "I praise God even through my uncertainty and regardless of the outcome." Sometimes, I think we forget about Hope and put all our weight on faith. Faith and Hope are two chords in the same rope, two legs on the same body. They must work together and strengthen one another. Hebrews 11:1 puts it this way:

"Now faith is being sure of what we Hope for and certain of what we do not see."

We need a faith in who God is, but Hope brings in joy and rejoicing in the character and plans of God. Romans 5:1-5 says:

"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the Hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, Hope. And Hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."

I cannot say this for certain, but I believe Hope is what binds faith to love and love to faith. One can have a faith that moves mountains, but without love bonding with faith, faith is meaningless (I Corinthians 13:2). So when times of trouble come and uncertainty arises, don't forget Hope. Hope is what allows us to praise God regardless.

Faith in my life has been lonely for too long. My faith told me that I believed in the power of God, but my Hope led me to the reality that God is actively at work in every detail in our lives. He pursues us with His perfect, unchanging love. He only seeks for us to turn around, and Hope is the redirection to His Love.

So in conclusion, my faith is made real by the Hope in Jesus' redeeming blood. The same blood that ripped the curtain of sin and revealed the gift of God's glory in His Holy Spirit. My Hope is in love.

Time To Move

2007-02-23T10:23:00.000-05:00

It's hard to believe I have been away from home for about 50 days. It really does feel like last week that I drove out of my driveway and headed up to Nashville where my flight was taking off from. I don't know where all the time went, and even now its been 20 days since I updated this blog. For all my faithful readers out there, I'm truly sorry that I haven't taken enough time to keep you updated about life out here. In my defense, free time out here can be hard to come by. There is always something to do or work on, that if you don't stop and breath a little bit, you'll never know what day it is or how many have past since the last time you checked the calender. So to make up for the past few weeks that I haven't written anything, I'll try to write something extra special or maybe just something a little longer than normal.

Two weekends ago a group a 8 guys and I got to head out to Rottnest Island for a weekend camping trip. "Rotto," as the Perth locals like to call it, is right off the coast. So after an early Saturday morning ferry ride, the boys and I had a weekend of snorkeling planned. It was the first time me to get outside the city and away from the YWAM base.

The weekend out on the island was so much fun. It was the first time snorkeling for me, so I had a blast exploring the coral and looking out for sharks. It was also the first time I could see the stars away from the city lights, and they did not disappoint. Star always amaze me, but not just because of their beauty. Stars just reveal to me how mysterious God is in my mind. The idea that the One that created the stars billions upon billions light years away is the same One who came down to earth and was spat upon, hit in the face, and nailed to a couple of wooden planks for a relationship with a speck of dusk in the universe. Stars a great, but the mystery of God's love is even greater. The Rottnest trip ended up being so much fun and relaxing time away from the rustle and bustle of the YWAM base. Here are some pictures from the trip. Just click this link Rottnest Island Pictures.

Every Thursday night, YWAM has local evangelism throughout the city of Perth. 300 people from the base split up into small groups and are bused throughout the city. Most of the groups are just sidewalk evangelist, who stand in public areas just talking to random people. You might think this as an ineffective way of going about spreading the gospel message, but you'd be amazed by some of the testimonies at the end of each night on how God has used and lead certain people out here to share their faith. My group is a unique on in that it reaches out to the same people every week. My group focuses on a bunch goth/emo/rave kids in the city who hang out in one of the parks. Most of them are druggies, and many practice self mutilation and are gay. It's been an incredible experience just to hang out with this group, especially because they know we are Christians. We haven't done any straight up "Jesus talk" but rather we are just trying to make them more comfortable with us. Last we one of the guys asked me if I thought homosexuality was a choice. I said yes. Even though he didn't agree me, it was good that he felt comfortable enough to ask the question to us. To me its about being Jesus to them. If you look back at the life of Jesus, you will see that the ate and hung out with the outcast and sinners of his day. He did not condemn them, but rather just showed his love and acceptance of them. The only true hate was for the religious self-righteous leaders. If Jesus was around today, who would he hang around? In my thought, he would sit with druggies, homeless, and homosexual people. They are the outcast of our day. I won't say being Jesus to them is easy. Trying to find a way to effective say something about God's love is hard. Basically the only thing we can do is show the love and acceptance God gave us. But we are praying that we will see some breakthrough in the hearts of these kids.

On a lighter note, last Sunday I saw my first kangaroo. It was one of the things on my checklist for my trip out here, so I am happy that I got it done. Here are some pictures from the experience. To see them just click this Kangaroo Island Pictures.

In other news, last week I found out my outreach location. At the end of March I will be going to Durban, South Africa for 6 weeks and then Piet Retief, South Africa for 5 weeks. I am so excited to being going to Africa. God has really given me a heart for the whole continent and I am so happy to being going back. Durban is a city of around 3 million people along the Indian Ocean coast. I am not totally sure what kind of work we will be doing there, but most of it will probably be in the slums of the city. Piet Retief, the next town I am going to, is pretty small in comparison. I believe it is around 100,000 people and probably is a better picture of the real Africa we think of. Piet Retief is locate right on the border of the country of Swaziland. Swaziland has a adult HIV positive rate of 47% and the life expectancy is around 32 years. A lot of our work will be going across the borders and working with the victims of the AIDS virus. It definitely going to be really intense, but this is what I want to experience and see. Sometimes hope is best received in places where you think their would be no hope. I know my eyes will see things many people will never get to, so I hope I can make the most of my time in Africa. I came to YWAM for the outreach part, but I found that the things I have learned in the "training phase" have been exactly what I needed. I want so much to just leave for Africa now, but I know that God still has some stuff to do in me here in Perth, Australia.

Last week our topic in lecture was Spiritual Warfare, and God really showed me that I am entering a battle when it comes to missions. "Our war is not in flesh in blood" but against the powers of darkness. These dark forces have hold of people's hearts in many of these places we are going to. I also learned how important it is to be fully equipped with God's armour. My training the last couple of week could be scene as one in spiritual terms. I have studied the Word of God as I would train in how to handle a sword. I have put my strengthened my faith in God to build up my shield against Satan and his attacks, and I have learned what it is to live victoriously in salvation and in righteousness. God has been preparing me for battle and has giving me authority in Christ's blood over Satan and his forces. Probably the coolest thing I learned this week was the power that prayer and praise to God has over the powers of darkness. When we pray against evil, we are actually on the offensive against them. God has not made us weak against Satan, but has given us weapons to fight against them. Our choice is in whether we will develop our skills with our weapons and live confidently and victoriously in the defeat of sin on the cross or just sit around let time go on its way.

I want to go back to the issue of time. I believe it is so important in life to realize how fast time can go. Even now, I often find myself not taking the time to breath life in. I go though my day blink a few times and its over, and before I know it 3 weeks have gone by. I have been challenged lately to make the best of my time and to take time just to sit a soak life in. It seems like every older person says at some point to a younger person "being your age feels like yesterday" or something alone those lines. Its so true, you can go through life a realize you haven't lived or taken time to do the things you always thought you would. I guess being young a realizing this helps a little bit. No one knows how much time they have left or we have left. A couple of weeks ago we had a speaker say why he thought Christ would be returning in our lifetime. He said that in 3 to 4 years, that the Bible would be translated into every language on earth, and with the computer/communication age, it won't be long till everyone has heard the message of Christ. I am not saying that we should be constantly looking at the sky waiting becuase at any moment Jesus will return. But I am saying that we should use our time wisely here on earth. If you need to do something, restore a relationship, forgive that person, or find salvation in Jesus, TODAY is the day of salvation. In a few blinks you will be old and be regretting all the things you should have done. For me regret in life comes from things I haven't done not of mistakes I've made. Jesus' blood can cover all sin, but it can't live for you. For me life has shift a little more away from having a normal career to looking out for the oppressed, clothing the naked, visiting the prisoner, giving a glass of cold water, and sitting with sinners. I am not saying everyone is called to be a missionary, but I am saying that we should live as people who are ready for Jesus to come back. Normality in life is way overrated. I challenge you to challenge your own future. If you think your to old, ask God for strength. If you think you have too many responsibilities, ask God which ones are most important. If you think your too dumb, ask God for wisdom. If you think you don't have anything to offer, ask God to reveal your own worth to you. If you don't know what to do, ask God for direction. I am not saying we have to pack our days so full of ministries, but I am saying that we should look how we use the life that is given to us.

Here are some random photo albums and one video. Just click any of the links to see them.
Australia Day Pictures
Random Pictures
Perth Video

I am going to make a real effort to update the blog more often. So check it for updates.

Where I Am So Far

2007-02-05T09:08:00.001-05:00

My life so far has been easy and comfortable. I was raised in a Christian home with two parents who always loved, encouraged, and uplifted me. I live in the top 95 percent of the world economically and have my own car. I went to Greater Atlanta Christian from kindergarten to my senior year of high school. Both my parents worked there, so I pretty much was raised on the campus. School was easy. I never had to make friends; I was never the new kid. Was it challenging? Only when I waited to the last minute to get everything done. Life was comfortable and so was my faith.

I hit my senior year and had to decide where to continue my education. This choice was tough one in my life. No longer was I relying on my parents. It was all pretty much on my shoulders. I had the option to play football at Wheaton in Chicago with a great team or just be a student at Lipscomb. It was a hard decision to make. Do I choose at least four more years of football controlling my life or do I go to Lipscomb and stay close to home? They both had their high points. Wheaton was football, and I love football. Lipscomb had the perks of being close to home, family, and a great number of friends who were already up there or coming up the next year. One choice meant work, the other was easy and comfortable.

So in the end, I ended up at Lipscomb in the fall. Was it the wrong choice? Not at all, it was just easier. I loved it because it felt like home, it was familiar, and it was comfortable. So I went through my first year thinking I would just somehow figure out my plan for life. I thought I would try out the biology/medicine route. I enjoyed it, but the thought spending my life in school and the long hours of a professional career discouraged me. It was just too hard. I next thought I would try on business for size. I found out it was easy and I actually had some leadership skills that would propel me to a successful career. But I soon found that even though I might excel in business, I didn't have a heart for it. I don't think I could wake up in the morning and legitimately be excited about business.

So after a year and a half of trying to "figure out" my future, the only thing I figured out was that I was lost and unsatisfied. I thought everything would just come easily as usual: just another step down the road of life. Had I looked to God for direction? Yeah sometimes. I soon realized that I was living in absolute comfort and ease, and I assumed my life would continue in the same way. My whole life's direction was easy. Even worse my faith in God was based on comfort too. I would praise God and do His will as long it was easy and fun. I had gone through life and never grown up.

I looked for reasons for this and realized that it was in my comfort. Comfort does not promote change. It helps us stay the same. Pressure helps an individual become who they are. My life has not had a lot of things go wrong. I have been very blessed in that regard. But while others were forced to maturity by circumstances like death, divorce, and other things, I had always had an easy road. For this reason I needed a challenge. I needed to put myself in a place of discomfort, unease, and pressure. This place needed to be one to challenge me socially, physically, and most important spiritually. So whether or not I thought YWAM would put me in the environment that I needed, I choose to come out here. And when I arrived, I realized I had so far to go.

So I have come to a realization that I am a infant in many regards, but I am ready to step forward into maturity. Hebrews 5:11-14 explains it well. I have been living off "milk" for so long and have not been challenged to eat the "solid food." I have chosen the road on comfort and what is familiar over what promotes growth. I am tired as having the grace of Christ's blood as a crutch. I want to live bigger, freer, and fulfilled. Its not just about excepting God's gift of salvation, but also living His life. Excepting Christ is easy and some what comfortable. All I have to do is receive God's love and everything is just bright and dandy. No, really living life should be challenging. It should be the most challenging task you ever do. If its not, your not pushing hard enough. Jesus did not call us to a life of comfort. He called us to a life of living sacrifice. He said things like "take up your cross daily" and "sell everything you have, give the money to the poor, and come and follow me." God's message of hope is not a self help book. Its one that requires all of us.

Coming out here, I feel a little like Abraham. God lead him to a place away from his home, away from what was familiar, and away from his comfort. God challenged Abraham to have faith in His promises. Was his journey easy? No. Did he make mistakes? Yes. In the end did he prove his faith? Yes. Even to the point where he laid his own son, a son of promise, on the altar to sacrifice to God. God wanted to know is Abraham would give up everything to Him. Even his very own. I am not sure what God is calling me to give up, but I know he says for me to give him my all. If that means putting my family and friends up on the altar of the Lord, then I must. If it means placing my "education" on the altar, then I must. The thing about Abraham though, was that God didn't let him kill his son. God just wanted to see if he was willing. Maybe I just need to be willing to give it up. So at this point I am willing to go anywhere, do anything, say anything for the glory of God. I don't know where my road is going, I just know who I am following.

Pictures

2007-01-27T05:18:00.000-05:00

Here's a link to my picture page, which has some others than the ones already on here.

Picture Link

A Little Change in Pace...

2007-01-23T00:49:00.000-05:00

I've realized the past couple of posts have been all about me and my pursuit of knowing God and His will. This post is a little less heavy and will show you some of the people that I am pursuing God with. So I will give you some pictures and share with you a little information. This first picture is one of my small group which consists of Quenton(the leader on left), me (middle left), Ryan from Canada(middle right), Justin from Hawaii(far right), and Mark from Egypt who is taking the picture. It's a pretty cool group because we are all so different and have so many different stories of why we are here. Our group has 4 students while most of the other small groups have around 12, because. Quenton is the leader of our DTS and has a lot of other responsibilities during the day so he can only handle keeping up with a few students. I am really blessed to be in this group because it gives me a leader who I can go up to at anytime and ask for help, guidance, or whatever. Plus because our group is so small we can all fit in one vehicle and travel to different parts of the city for our small group time that we wouldn't have been able to see if we were in the regular size group. Once a week, we have a scheduled one on one time with our leader just to kind of check up on our progress. At first I thought I would dread it, but I now find it very helpful in getting guidance and just speaking out things in my mind.

This picture is some of my friends (Ben, Nate, and Keith) in a tree. It would have looked cooler if you were really there.

These guys are hanging out in a cafe called CAIO ran by YWAM to reach out to the youth of the city.

This a picture from Kings Parks which looks out over the city from the top of a huge hill. This view of Perth is by far the best one you will get in the whole city.

Here's a big group on a free night in a local food court area. They are all drinking this stuff called bubble tea. In my opinion, bubble tea is pretty gross and to expensive. I'll just stick with a tropical slushie.

This a picture of Huey and kid from New York City. He's actually not a kid. He's 26.

I just wanted all yall to know that, even though I am being greatly challenged in the pursuit of God, am I having a ball experiencing Perth and building relationships with those around me. Every student out here has their own story, but everyone out here is in the pursuit of the same goal.

The Pursuit of Happiness

2007-01-17T23:55:00.000-05:00

Coming out to Australia I thought I was a good person under the grace of Jesus Christ. I read my bible, prayed, and served others on occasion. I thought I had a lot to learn from missionaries on how to spread the message of Jesus. After the first week and a half, I have now come to realize that I was not brought out here to learn how to be a missionary, but rather how to passionately pursue God with all I have inside of me. I have been challenged on who I believed God to be and to what measure I am to pursue Him to. He is more important than your family, friends, falling in love, career, appearance, future plans, retirement, church, education, reputation, the American dream, or anything else that would fit. Now realizing that I have put so many things in front of Him, there is so much that needs to be molded by God's grace in my life and so much that I have held back from Him. I came out here thinking 6 months would be a good experience, but now that I'm in it, I realize that I'm out here to experience God and sacrifice my life to know His presence and will for me. Jesus has given me life, but he asks for it back in return. He tells me to have Boldness, Courage, and Perseverance in this life and to faith in Him. To put Him before all, to leave my nets and boat behind and follow him in the grand adventure of His will, that does not end in this world, but continues for eternity. He shows me the pursuit of Him is the only pursuit that brings happiness and the only one that brings life and fulfillment. He tells me that He is the Tree of Life that was lost to man. He tells me that we can now we can eat from Him again because out from the ground grew a cross that supported a perfect fruit that when eaten brings forth eternal life: a fruit for all creation, for all people.

A Week In Review...

2007-01-12T09:44:00.000-05:00

I have been in Perth almost a week now, and things are beginning to settle down a little. This is how a usual weekday looks like:

6:00-6:30AM Exercise
6:30-8:00AM Quiet/Meditation Time
8:00-8:30AM Morning Chores
10:00-12:30PM Lecture
12:30-1:30PM Lunch
1:30-3:30PM Work Duties
3:30-5:30PM Free Time
5:30-6:00PM Dinner
7:30-Bed... Depends on the day

Its pretty packed with stuff and seems flies by pretty quick. We actually haven't started the morning workouts yet, but I am sure after a few day at getting up at 5:55AM I'll get used to it and may even come to like it.

The morning from which I woke up after my first sleep was better than the feelings I had when I went to bed. The other guys in my room were really cool and didn't really know anyone either. As I was trying to make my way around and meet all my fellow classmates, I soon realized the diversity of the group. I was quite surprised of how many Canadians were here, and even the kids from the states were from Minnesota, Michigan, or Oregon which all touch Canada. I am definitely the only "Southerner" down under. There are people from France, New Guinea, Great Britain, Germany, Korea, Singapore, Africa and countless other places. Its really cool to see such a variety of people around. It kind of shows you how it should be in the church: every nation, every people.

This is my living area. Fortunately, I have no one on my top bunk, so it doubles as my shelf/computer desk. Except I have to stand to reach it.

Our lectures this week were lead by Pete Brownhill, who was until this year the director of YWAM Perth for something like 20 years. The topic for the week was the Character of God. Pete stressed that to to be able to follow God's plan in one's life, they must strive to know who God is first. He started out with 3 common views on who God is. The first was a that of the hard master who was to be feared. The second was a Santa Claus view in which God just indulges us and whose job is to make us as people happy. The Third was the view of a distant God who started the clock of time and just watches us with no interaction. He explained why these views were wrong, and then into the Christian view of God.

To know God, you must first know what he is made up of. For this reason we went over the Natural Attributes of God. They summary of these include:

God is...

Invisible
Personal
Everlasting
Infinite
Trinity of loving beings

Then we went over the Characteristics of God which include:

Love
Holiness
Mercy
Righteousness
Justice
Wisdom
Faithfulness
Truthfulness

This was awesome to me because is showed me that the YWAM organization is one that is first focused on knowing God more. The knowledge of God is the only wisdom one needs. I know God has led me out here for some reason. As you can imagine, I am the only kid from a Church of Christ background. There are Christians from every walk here. They are as diverse as their nations. Once you get out the South you realize how few people have heard of the Church of Christ. I feel a little alone sometimes in my church background, but I do feel like I am out here for a reason and that God has given me this background for reason. There is a lot of talk out here about hearing the Voice of God in scripture, meditation, and dreams. It kind of freaks me out a little to be honest. I have never really been exposed to some of these ideas. I have been reading a book titled Is That Really You God? by the founder of YWAM, Loren Cunningham. The stories about the beginning of YWAM in the book are amazing. If I believe these stories, I must then except that God still works in the way He did with the early church. Over the past year at Lipscomb University, I have been struggling about which direction I should go with my major. I felt like I had no direction. I am a business management major, but does my heart lie there? I can't say that it does. For this reason I starting asking God to give me direction. I pleaded that he would show me His path and His will for my life. No answers were giving to me, except the thought of YWAM and some of my friends' experiences there. So I started searching for a base and Perth was the one I decided on, so I filled out my application and six months later I am here. The past week I have been here, I have questioned God many times why he brought me out here to Perth. Sure it is a cool place, with nice weather and beaches, but why did God bring me to the other side of the world for? Then it occurred to me. I asked God for direction in my life when I was at Lipscomb, and then He brings me to people who seek the Voice of God for every major decision they make. It is all very new to me, but all I can do is keep and open mind. I know that I God has something to show me out here away from everyone. Maybe God wants me to feel alone in the regard of being away from family and friends. Maybe He wants me to be uncomfortable. Maybe He wants me to hear Him. I have no doubt that God's faithfulness is real and that those who seek Him with a pure heart will find Him. For this reason I will seek the knowledge of God and try to come to better understand His ways and the love that Jesus carried on the cross so that I will be able to recognize His path for my Life. To all of you who read this, I ask that you will pray for me and my pursuit for God's direction.

On Australian Soil

2007-01-08T08:15:00.000-05:00

------After a visit to the Big Apple, 12 hours in the Middle East, and 36 hours of total travel time I have made to Perth, Australia. I can't say it was always fun and pleasant, but you kind of expect that when you are 6 foot 4 man crammed in the middle of a 5 person row for a 10 hour flight. I arrived in Perth about 1AM local time and didn't arrive back at the base till 3:30. I was kindly shown my bunk with no light and left in a room with 6 others guys who were fast asleep. I sat on my bunk trying to go through my bags as quietly as I could with my flashlight. I pulled out my sleeping bag and 3 t-shirts that I stacked together to form my pillow. Thinking to myself about the whole trip out there, it finally hit me that I was on the complete opposite side of the world. You could drill a hole through the earth starting in Atlanta and you come out 500 miles from Perth. I couldn't be any farther from home. At this point I starting to think, "What in the world am I out here for?" What would drive me to leave family, friends, and sweet tea? I went to sleep slightly questioning myself and what I had gotten myself into for the next 6 months. I had come out here by and for the first time done something completely on my own. It wasn't real 6 months ago when I first thought I wanted to do a DTS at YWAM. It wasn't real when I got my application through. It wasn't real when I bought my plane ticket. It wasn't even real when I stepped off the plane on Australian soil. It only become real when laid down in a bed that was 6 inches to short for my tall frame and realized I didn't know a soul and I wasn't going home for 6 months. Fear became a little more real, but faith that God led me out here for a reason became just a little more comforting.